Losing Grip
by Red Bess Rackham
Summary: Elisabeth had one choice, and she really blew it. Now the one she wants to spend with forever with is never coming back. Songfic. Oneshot.


Discalimer: Don't own a darn thing, matey. The song "Losing Grip" is not mine, and so I do not take credit for the lyrics. I don't own POTC or its characters, but I own this plot idea. So there, lol.

A/n: Heard the song "Losing Grip" by Avril Lavinge and was like, ya! I know! So i wrote this song fic for it. Its pretty long, so enjoy. Don't forget to review this. ;D

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Elisabeth stood staring into the full-length mirror before her in her new room. Tonight was the one-year anniversary of her and James Norrington's marriage. She knew it was supposed to be a very wonderful night, but she was finding it very difficult to feel anything except sadness, loneliness, and regret.

She'd agreed to marry the Commodore mostly so that he would agree to trust Captain Sparrow and help rescue Will. Once back in Port Royal, however, Norrington attempted to have Jack hung. Thankfully, Will rescued him from the noose. Elisabeth's father and Norrington were going to hang both Will and Jack, but she intervened.

She'd begged them to let the pair live, but the Governor had agreed only on the condition that they left and never returned. That's when Elisabeth made the life-changing decision to marry Norrington - James. She called him James, now.

She'd been deeply in love with Will and he with her. She wanted so much to be with him, but at the time she just couldn't bear to leave her father and the town she'd spent her whole life in. It was by far the hardest decision she'd ever had to make, and now standing here, looking at her reflection - made fake with make-up - she knew she'd made the wrong decision.

She gone over these things time and time again, every day regretting her decision more. A tear squeezed out and she quickly wiped it away. She couldn't wreck the make-up she'd taken so long to apply. She would've smiled - what a parallel to her life - but she was too depressed. She heaved a sigh and pasted on her most fake smile that passed as most genuine, and readied herself mentally to glow to everyone and talk about how wonderful her life was.

How positively untrue.

She slowly descended the steps to the parlour where she was preparing to mingle with the guests. When she walked into the room just off the foyer, in full view of the beautiful foyer windows, she immediately spotted James holding a glass of wine and chatting animatedly to some important looking people.

He did not glance her way as she approached.

_" Are you aware, of how you make me feel, Baby  
__Right now I feel invisible to you,  
__Like I'm not real "_

When they were barely newlyweds (only a few months or even weeks as a new couple), James would drop anything and any conversation to come walk her into a room. He used to beam when he said her name, and have his arm around her waist, and her arm around his. He used to be romantic and sweet, the perfect gentleman, and very caring.

He didn't do those things anymore, and he didn't seem to possess those qualities as strongly anymore, as if they had faded away when the novelty of being man and wife began to tire.

Elisabeth it all, very, very much.

She kept her smile on, and looked up at him. He seemed not to notice her still.

She slid her arm around his waist affectionately and said, "Good evening, James dear."

He finally turned to her. "Not now, Elisabeth." he said and pulled a step away from her arm. She pulled it back, hurt. "I'm in a very important conversation."

It hadn't looked important.

Of the two important looking people James was talking with, the man kept talking, laughing loudly, his own wine sloshing inside his glass. The woman looked at Elisabeth sadly, and it was almost as if the woman could tell exactly how Elisabeth felt, and she agreed. She slowly turned her attention back to the men's conversation, although it was apparent she was not really listening.

_" Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?  
__Why'd you turn away, hey?  
__Here's what I have to say, ay "_

"James..." she started.

He turned to her again. "Please, just go." he returned to talking with the man.

He'd never said that to her before, and she didn't know what to do. The emotions were swirling inside her, and she thought she was going to spill over. Did he want her to just go somewhere else? To the other side of the room? Now? Another town? Another country? Forever? She ashamedly wished the latter.

The tears were beginning to gather and she knew she needed to get out of the sight of curious eyes. At first she just walked briskly with her head, down, but when she caught a whisper of, "What is _wrong_ with him?... Abigal would've been a better choice..." and "There she goes... what's _her_ problem?" she broke into a run, unintentionally knocking the tray of appetizers from a servant's hand in the foyer. It made a loud clang, but no one seemed to notice except those nearest to the parlour door. She did not stop until she was outside and around the corner.

_" I was left to cry there, waitin' outside there  
__Burnin' with a lost stare  
__That's when I decided "_

Elisabeth was away from the views of the doors and windows. The sobs were coming openly and loudly now, and she didn't bother to stop or quiet them.

She leaned her body against the cool stone of the house and put her hands over her face. Why oh why had she chosen this life? This misery? This constant feeling of loneliness? This constant heart ache?

She slid down to the ground and buried her head in her knees. As if an echo to her overly depressing feelings, it began to rain.

_" Why, should I care?  
__'Cuz you weren't there, when I was scared  
__I was so alone "_

Elisabeth recalled the experience with Barbossa and his cursed pirate crew of the Black Pearl. Every minute had been terrifying.

She especially remembered the moment when she'd first found out the truth about the pirates: stabbing Barbossa, watching him pull the bloody knife from his chest, then turning around to flee only to be met with the decaying skeletons.

Will had been on his way to rescue her, and had even joined forces with a pirate (something he never would've done under normal circumstances). And what had James done? Nothing, other than try to prevent Will from coming to her side.

And what about when she'd stood there, heart pounding in her ears, behind the chest of gold coins and medallions, shivering with pure terror as a couple dozen doomed pirates glared up at her with mutinous faces, waiting for Barbossa to slit her throat with the rusted knife? Will had been down off to the side, waiting for the right moment. Elisabeth was confident that Will would've stopped Barbossa had he made for her throat instead of her hand. Where was James? Who knew. Probably off drinking wine somewhere, on some boat, or worrying about what guests he was going to have at his next party.

She had to give him a bit of credit, though, she supposed. After all, he _did_ decide to come looking for her, although it was long after Will and Jack had set off together.

_" You, you need to listen  
__I'm startin' to trip, I'm losin' my grip  
__And I'm in this thing alone "_

Elisabeth had thought that she could grow to love James, knowing deep down she would never love him as she loved Will. She supposed, if he had kept on loving her as he had in the beginning, she may have grown to love him and be alright with her life.

But the longer the marriage went on, the more lonely and miserable she felt. And only after a _year_. James was never home anymore, being off with one thing or another. At the fort, out at sea... and when he did come home, he just walked by her like she wasn't there. When she spoke up in those moments, he would just mumble that he was tired and needed to be alone. No hello, no hug, no kiss... nothing like it used to be.

He marriage was crumbling and she doubted James even realized it.

_"Am I just some chick you place beside you,  
__To take somebody's place?  
__When you turn around,  
__Can you recognize, my face?"_

The cold rain was drenching her, causing her once perfectly styled hair to become completely limp, and the make-up, so meticulously applied, streak down her cheeks.

Elisabeth stood finally, and slowly walked around the corner to look in the front window. From there, the warm glow from inside spilled over the windowsill, but just short of where she was standing.

Inside, she could see the parlour where people were laughing and chatting, downing wines and other spirits, taking no notice that the main focus of the night - Elisabeth and James's marriage - was not being emphasized in the slightest. Did no one notice she was missing? Surely _someone_ would...

She could see James. He took a drink and looked around the room. He appeared concerned, but she couldn't tell for sure. A tall blonde woman came up and took his arm. James smiled easily and she giggle at something he said.

Elisabeth shook her head and water droplets sprinkled everywhere. She knew the blonde woman's name - Abigal Hanover.

It was common knowledge that James had fallen in love with Abigal before Elisabeth had 'grown up'. Then Abigal had gotten engaged, and James took serious notice of Elisabeth. No knew for sure - including Elisabeth - whether James had really loved her or not. After James and Elisabeth were married, Abigal broke off her own engagement, and showed up to all of James' parties.

Elisabeth crumpled to the ground again right where she stood, severely overwhelmed. If he loved Abigal, then _why_ had he chosen to pursue Elisabeth? And why did he _act_ like he loved her when he really didn't!

_"You used to love, you used to hug me  
__But that wasn't the case  
__Everything wasn't ok"_

She looked up into the window again, and this time could see Abigal on the other side of the room, arm in arm with another handsome man. She couldn't see James anymore.

Elisabeth shuddered and slowly managed to stand up. Her knees felt wobbly and her drenched dress felt as though it weighed at least a ton or more. She was freezing cold and extremely wet. No one could know which water droplets were just sweet rain, and which were renewed streams of tears. She did not want to live this life anymore, but it seemed there was nothing she could do.

_"I was left to cry there, waitin' outside there  
__Burnin' with a lost stare  
__That's when I decided"_

The door to her home of one year suddenly opened and Elisabeth started. She quickly jumped out of the stream of light pouring from the door. She hoped whoever it was hadn't noticed her. No such luck.

"Elisabeth?" It was James. He shut the door behind him, but stayed standing on the doorstep where the upper balcony sheltered him from the rushing rain. "What is it? What's going on?"

She said nothing and felt worse. _'How could he not know? How could he not notice before now that something was wrong?'_ she thought bitterly. She visibly shivered.

"Elisabeth, you're soaking!" James quickly came down the steps, removing his coat in the process. He did the gentlemanly thing and laid his coat across her shoulders. But Elisabeth knew that was all it was: gentlemanly, and nothing more. There was no love in the gesture, and it hurt her, because there used to be. The moment after Captain Sparrow had rescued her and threatened her flashed in her mind. How _really_ concerned he had been then...

"Will you please tell me what's wrong?" he said, hurriedly leading her out of the downpour to the steps of the house, under the sheltered balcony area.

Elisabeth swallowed and when she spoke, her voice was hoarse from her previous sobbing. "You are." she said quietly.

"Say it again?"

"You are!" she said loudly, looking him straight in the eye.

"Come now, Elisabeth. What do you mean, 'you are' - I am?" James seemed slightly flustered by her response, so he attempted a small chuckle to cover.

_"Why, should I care?  
__'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared  
__I was so alone"_

"You're never here. You're never there for me!" Elisabeth croaked, the tears sliding warmly down her chilled cheeks. "You don't care. You don't love me,. I don't think you ever did! And I don't love you!"

As she talked, James opened his mouth to protest, but her voice grew louder and she talked over him.

"I hate this life. I hate this marriage. I hate my father for sending Will away. I hate you, for never being there to protect me. Or comfort me! Or even _care_ about me!"

"Elisabeth! How long have you felt this way? I - "

_"You, you need to listen  
__I'm startin' to trip, I'm losin' my grip  
__And I'm in this thing alone"_

"I've lost him forever!" she shouted, and the rain seemed to suddenly grow louder, as if supporting her. "I can't do this anymore, and I won't! I thought you used to care!"

"I did! I do! I - "

"Just go away! Leave me alone and go run to _Abigal_, because she's the only one you care about _anyway!_" She threw off his coat and bounded down the steps. She immediately started running. Where to, she had no idea. She'd just go where her feet took her...

"Elisabeth! Come back!"

_"Cryin' out loud, I'm cryin' out loud  
__Cryin' out loud, I'm cryin' out loud"_

She stumbled several times, ripping holes in her dress, but she could care less. She just wanted to get as far away as possible. Away from being Mrs. Norrington, away from hearing James' voice, away from it all.

She thought she could still hear James calling her name, and maybe he was even running after her. But much too late. He was beginning to care, much too late.

_"Open your eyes  
__Open up, wide"_

Elisabeth turned down one of the many streets in Port Royal, and her panting breath suddenly caught in her throat. She saw the hanging sign swinging in the rain. She banged her fists on the hard wooden door, knowing already the results.

No answer.

She banged harder, hoping against hope...

"Will! Please! Its me!" she yelled.

Still, there was no answer.

Elisabeth collapsed in front of the blacksmith's door and broke down in a fresh torrent of sobs. She'd known there'd be no answer. But actually finding the shop empty, and no answer, seemed to hurt more for some reason. The windows were boarded up and dusty on the inside. The door was padlocked shut.

"You were always there for me..." she whispered. "And now you're gone forever..."

_"Why, should I care?  
__'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared  
__I was so alone"_

Elisabeth looked at the sparkling wedding ring on her finger. It meant nothing. It was a useless piece of showy jewellery. She yanked it off her finger and angirly threw it in a dirt mud puddle.

_"Why, should I care?  
__'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared  
__I was so alone"_

Elisabeth wrapped her arms around herself and slowly rocked back and forth. She'd lost the one she'd loved, for good. The man she married did not care for her, and she did not care for him.

_"Why, should I care?  
__If you don't care, then I don't care  
__We're not going anywhere"_

Divorce was an option. A horrible option because she would shamed. She'd be looked down upon for the rest of her days, especially if she never re-married.

Her heart was empty and aching. Could she even possibly take anymore shame and despair?

_" Why, should I care?  
__'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared  
__I was so alone  
__Why, should I care?  
__If you don't care, then I don't care  
__We're not going anywhere."_

Elisabeth curled up on the cold, wet ground in front of the locked, bolted and boarded up blacksmith shop, knowing someone who really, actually cared would eventually find her.

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A/n: Sorry it was a little repetitive and over-dramatic, but ya. Review it anyway, you mangy dogs! (lol, j/k.) Just no swearing, please! Hoped you liked it, but even if you didn't, review anyways. Oh, and one more thing. I am CONSIDERING writing ONE more chapter (ONLY one more), but it won't be for a long time, so ya. Don't expect it right away.

In other words, if there is a button to push you to chap 2 there, then cool. If not, maybe its still on the way...


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